I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
