I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
