I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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