how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
