What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
