so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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