I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
