12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want her autograph on my taint
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
