As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
