guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
