I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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