so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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