Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
