please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
