She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
