she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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