So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
