I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
