i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
