I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
