Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize