I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
