id be glad to
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
