I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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