totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
