There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
