This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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