gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
