how can u be prego again
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
