I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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