I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
