No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
