Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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