He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize