So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
