I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
