it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
