This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
