it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
