Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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