And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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