he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
