great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
