Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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