i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
