Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
