Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize