do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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