I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
