can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
