I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
BRING THE BAGELS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
