that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
