I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize