I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
