I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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