We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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