Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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