Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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