Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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