I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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