i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
