Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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