we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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