all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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