Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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