Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Alive.
So much puke
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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