She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
