Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
